Scars and Memories

It’s humbling. Life. It teaches you so much. I remember the one time I was homeless. I can’t even say I was homeless because I knew I had options and I had families and friends I can turn to. I was in a situation. It was bad. I’ll spare you the details but I was in a foreign country, with little to no money and I was kicked out of the hotel.

You never really truly appreciate what you have til it’s gone. I remember walking up to the hotel lobby and the guest services told me I was not allowed to go back into my room because the name on the file took me off the guest list.

I can’t begin to tell you all the emotions I was feeling that day. I was angry. I was sad. I was hurt. I wandered the street and found myself crying alone in an alleyway. Trying to understand how I got to where I was. How the people I thought always had my back–didn’t. How I was crying in an alleyway, newly broken up, feeling sorry for myself truly learned what it meant being lost in a city and without a home.

I never appreciated homeless people as much as I did that day.

I wiped the tears off my face. Went back to ask to get my stuff. The staff felt so bad for me, I even remember his kind eyes as he asked me if I had a place to stay and that they had a room for me at a discounted rate. I never felt so pitied in my life and so thankful. At this point in my life, I probably had about 500 dollars to my name which I had to put all down to rent this hotel.

Pride is what prevented me from calling home and asking for help. I also needed to process my thoughts and feelings. Sam Smith’s album got me through a lot of this pain. This was a hard life lesson for me. One that took me 5 years to grieve and process.

So when I watch shows of hard on luck women, who are just looking for a chance or an opportunity, it hits home.

Published by Pamela Vang

A first generation Canadian. Blogger. Lover of life. Sharer of experiences.

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